Our Decision

More than 2 years ago God laid a burden on my heart for full time ministry.  During that time, both Wendy and I have prayed almost daily for God to unveil His supreme will in our lives.  And because He is faithful, that burden became a passion, and that passion a calling, and the calling a conviction that neither of us can now shake.  

So on Monday, June 25th at approximately 12:30pm, we sat down in that all familiar brown beaten up leather chair and prayed once again.  "God we are yours, please do with us as You will."  When we opened our eyes and looked at one another we both knew.

In the ever popular devotional "My Utmost for His Highest", Oswald Chambers words simultaneously convicted Wendy and I.  Literally, we had been driving for most of the morning when I encouraged Wendy and get out my tab and read for me June 18th's reading from MUFHH.  She wondered why the 18th, being that it was the 21, but she read it anyways.  Just so all of you catch how impactful it was to us, I would strongly recommend you grab a copy and read June 18th's devo.  In short, Oswald refers to Matt 14 (Peter walking on the water) and asks why Jesus choose not to allow Peter to walk all the way to him with out sinking.  At first, Peter never saw the waves, never crossed his mind that he could have drowned by stepping out of the boat.  He just saw his friend, his eyes were on his Lord.  But then we all know what happened next.  When we take our eyes off Jesus, the waves and storms of life seem to be overwhelming.  We become paralyzed with doubt and fear takes over.  

"If you debate for even one second when God has spoken, it is all over for you.  Never start to say, Well, I wonder if He really did speak to me?  Be reckless immediately-totally unrestrained and willing to risk everything- by casting your all upon Him."  Oswald Chambers.

 I have to give complete credit to a good friend of mine Brent McCammon.  For some reason he felt I needed this reading from Oswald and emailed me the morning of the 21st as we were driving back from vacation.  Brent told me he had been reading my blog and sensed a bit of fear in my writing...He was right!  Funny thing, I had been reading this devotional almost every day for the last 3 months, and for some reason had skipped over June 18th.  So when Wendy read it out loud for the both of us it was the first time either of us had ever read it.   Thank you Brent for listening to the Lord.  

So I told Wendy to read it again, and she asked why?  I just said, "Read it again."  Wendy didn't even finish the second paragraph and I noticed tears streaming under her sunglasses.  What she didn't know is that God allowed for tears to flow out of me as well.  It was at that moment, we both knew our calling became much more.  Our calling became our conviction.  

More details to come...  

Back from Uganda

Wendy and I returned from Uganda on the 5th of this month.  An 8 hour time difference does things to your body and mind one can't explain until you have experienced it.  By the time we left Micah's home (the pastor of UCF), we reached our girls and pillows 30 hours later.  The human body can only take so much, and I'm afraid Wendy and I were at our personal limits.  But now that a few days have passed, our wits are back and we are refreshed once again.

So what is verdict?  What are the Gilliland's going to do?  These are the questions we have been bombarded with since our return.  Wendy and I fully expected to have an answer for our family and friends before we even stepped foot back on American soil.  "They deserve to know", I thought, so we need to give them something, we need to tell them something!  That's when frustration began to set in, and the doubts shortly followed.  One of the many lessons we have learned thus far in this journey is to never try to decide ANYTHING while you are under extreme exhaustion and are consuming airline food.

What are we scared of, what is making our faith falter?  A simple question deserves a simple answer.  We both fear being alone and so far away from our loved ones.  Did I mention it takes 30 hours get back home?  We fear our girls won't cope well.  We fear the days of regret, we fear the moments of depression.  We fear that God might have us there for the long haul.  Why do most people that GO put a time limit on there time away?  Would they so the same in a new job opportunity here in the states?

BUT...

We serve a God that brings peace even in the midst of valleys, and for that we will build our faith upon.  We will trust Him with our all, no more sprinkling on Jesus to our daily lives.  Faith never looks to far back and never to far ahead.  We will walk where He calls, and for now He is calling us to be faithful with what we know and what we have.  We have three precious lives that are all gifts from our Father whom loves us more than we could ever love each other.  We cannot fathom His endless love.  There is freedom in giving Him your all.  Your all includes your all.  Everything must be His, even your fears, even my fears.